Caledon and “the Belly Button of the World”

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“Belly button, belly button, Oh my belly button! Belly button, belly button, I love you!  Oh how sad and unhappy I would be, if I looked down, and my belly button I couldn’t see…”              

Heather Bishop, children’s performer, The Belly Button Song

 ***

Everybody’s got one, unless, like the mythical Adam, you were simply created out of some universal chemistry set’s test tube. Even Macbeth, who was “not of woman born,” still came out of that Caesarian with an umbilical cord attached, and thus … a bellybutton.

If we “belly button gaze” once in a while like the child in Heather Bishop’s song, we are celebrating the wonder of our birth. However, if it becomes an all-consuming love affair gazing at our own belly button, we become Donald Trump. People who think everything is about them are suffering from omphaloskepsis or navel-gazing. The Ancient Greeks had a word for everything! People afflicted with omphaloskepsis are self-absorbed to the point of being narcissistic.

If you meet people who think every compliment should be about them, every success in the world is directly related to them, every slight is directed toward them, every conspiracy theory is meant to dethrone them, and only people who agree with them are right-minded, they can be categorized, politely, as navel gazers.

Now this did not originate with individuals – this is a cultural phenomenon. Every emerging society on Earth thought it was the “belly-button of the world” and the centre of the universe. The Greeks had their omphalos, meaning “navel”, a sacred stone artifact that represented their centre of the world and a conduit to their gods.

The ancient Incas had Cusco, the sacred city that in the Quechua language translated to “the centre of the world.” The Spanish Roman Catholic invaders later translated this to “el Ombligo del Mundo” shortly before they raped, looted and violated Cusco, shattering the Inca culture.

Even in modern science we find the “Golden X“, the geographical “belly button of the world” located in the middle of the Gulf of New Guinea, just south of Ghana and west of Equatorial Guinea.  Sailors who “cross the line” into those equatorial waters must pay homage to the gods of the sea or forever be known as “slimy pollywogs” – not cool, especially if you are a pirate.

But my favourite is an expression learned from a wise Polish babcha, who called someone who was too full of themselves a “pepek swiat”. At the time, I had no idea what the translation was but the meaning was clear. Some loud-mouthed, bullying know-it-all would be dominating a social gathering’s conversation, and Babcha would simply look at the person and mutter, “What a pepek swiat!”  At first, I thought it must mean “arrogant, ignorant ass” in Polish.

Only later did I learn that pepek swiat translated into “belly button of the world”, a term of derision given to a domineering, self-absorbed narcissist. Babcha had another term for “arrogant ignorant ass.”

So, from Babcha, I learned that the Polish, too, have word for everything: A pepek swiat who is also a “dupa wolowa” [you’ll have to look that one up] can be a real drag on intelligent, respectful communication .

The good news is we don’t have to leave Caledon and travel to Greece or Cusco or Equatorial New Guinea to see a pepek swiat in action. Just visit your local Town Council meetings for prime time viewing. Or watch the upcoming provincial Conservative leadership race in Ontario. Or marvel at federal antics during Question Period. In the midst of meaningful and productive civil discourse, the pepek swiat won’t be hard to miss.  Especially when acting like a dupa wolowa.

***

Skid Crease, Caledon

 

True Crime, Part 2

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Breaking News!

The Toronto Police as of 1:00  p.m. today have released their report indicating that they believe that Barry and Honey Sherman were victims of a targeted double homicide. They have indicated that they are pursuing a number of leads but that they have no suspects at present.

This supports the family’s ongoing private investigation. Preceding the double-hoomicide announcement, it was released to the press that the current President and CEO of Apotex, the pharmaceutical company founded by Barry Sherman, had resigned.

The police would not speculate on possible motives or suspects, only indicating that their attempts to get access to private and business computers owned by the Shermans has been quite litigious.

The double homicide conclusion will allow shiva ceremonies and insurance claims to go forward without impediment.

 

Why I Love My Wife

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I am blessed with being married to an exceptional woman. Not only does she put up with my eccentricities in the normal ebb and flow realities of Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus, she also happens to be a really fine Principal running a wonderful public elementary school. I have very high standards of excellence in education and I can tell you quite honestly that I would be honoured to work for this particular Principal 24/7. Not only is she the epitome of a lifelong learner, a consummate professional, and a mindful arbitrator, she has a sense of humour.

Here is a classic example. As she was getting ready to leave for work at 6:30 am, she asked, “Can I borrow your Dad’s old coat?” She knew this coat was special – my Dad had left it to me to use in my outdoor education storytelling. It was a knee length deep brown Orlon fake-fur jacket that looked just like sheared beaver. When I wore it, I felt like a 17th century coureur de bois. “Sure,” I said, “Special  dress-up day?”

“I have to be a bear,” she replied as she kissed me goodbye. “Oh,” I said to the closing door. I got the full story that evening.

It turns out that one of the kindergarten classes doing an Inquiry Learning Project on habitats had built a cave in their classroom. Not only a cave, but a pond complete with frogs and fish, and Canada geese flying in a ecosystem that only primary imaginations could create. The children had just gone out for recess. My wife, the Principal, put on my Dad’s coat, tiptoed into the classroom, and curled up in the cave.

The children came back from recess. It took a few minutes, but finally one of the children whispered, “There’s something sleeping in our cave!” They gathered around. One of the braver children gingerly poked the sleeping creature. “I think it’s a bear.” The bear got another poke. This time the bear stirred and growled a little. “Maybe it’s hungry. Give it a fish!” So one of the fish from the pond was placed in the cave with the bear. The bear must have smelled the fish because it rolled over and opened its eyes.

“Principal!,” the children yelled, “We thought you were a bear!”

“Oh my, no,” said the Principal, “it was cold out on yard duty and and your cave is so nice and warm that I came inside and I suppose I fell asleep.” The Principal bear stretched and yawned and lumbered back to her office. The children put the fish back in the pond … you just never know when another hungry bear might show up

Now keep in mind that in previous incarnations this particular Principal has been a Doctor, a WWF Champion, and a Pirate to mention only a few. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be a child in a school where imagination and inquiry learning are nurtured and your administrator can not only run the ship, she can inspire the crew and the passengers to love the journey.

As soon as she told me that story tonight, I had to come and write it down to share with you. The world is full of so much bad news right now that this story made me reflect on all the good. Thank you Principal Bear.

Yes there are people out there who threaten the sanity of our social fabric; but there are far more  great people out there working their hearts out for the children and the adults in our communities. So, why do I love my wife? Because she is a constant reminder of all that is good and intelligent and caring in this world.

Thank you.

***

Skid Crease, Caledon

 

*stock image from media.gettyimages

Fire and Fury at Caledon Town Council

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“Never retract, never explain, never apologize; get things done and let them howl.”

Nellie L. McClung

***

The following quotes clarify this journalist’s reaction, and lack of apology, to the impassioned indignation of “them”, as referenced above in Nellie’s quote. On Tuesday, January 16, 2018, in the afternoon Town of Caledon Council Meeting, a recent Integrity Commissioner’s Report that looked into possible violations of the Council Code of Conduct by two Regional Councillors, found they were not guilty of violating their Council Code of Conduct:

“Look honey, I ain’t buying what you’re selling so get out!”  S.L.J. Shortt

“It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” William Shakespeare

“I’m not a crook.” Richard Nixon

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” Bill Clinton

“My two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart …. not smart, but genius, and a very stable genius at that!” Donald J. Trump

***

So, let me ask my readers to judge how all of that fire and sound and fury signifying nothing could have been avoided.  The fire was ignited by the misinformation and confusion that flowed from a public meeting hosted by a regional municipal councillor, with another regional municipal councillor in attendance. That misinformation concerned a false accusation that the Town was providing free taxpayer funded transportation from outside of Town to a local workplace. The second bonfire was set, again falsely, because the Town was allegedly slowing down the availability of medical facilities to be built on a “gift” of land, the fine details of which were being negotiated privately in-camera. That led to the Mayor and a “member of the public” invoking their democratic rights, and civic responsibilities, to file a Complaint with the Town’s Integrity Commissioner.

Prior to the Complaint being filed it should be noted that the “member of the public” had asked for an apology, a retraction, and a clarification of the information from the parties concerned. The Complaint was filed when that request was not fully honoured.

Imagine we had attended that local meeting public meeting. Imagine that two Regional politicians were in attendance. Imagine that the regional politician directing the conversations of the evening had simply said, “There is a private shuttle funded totally by the company to our local workplace with no cost to taxpayers.” Period. And that the location and lands, like our possible land “gift”, required for specific types of medical care facilities are sized and approved for use depending on population and transportation, and are Provincial responsibilities. Or imagine that the other regional politician, had misinformation been discussed, clarified with correct facts immediately.

I can only imagine. And because that did not happen, I applaud the Mayor and the “member of the public” for raising their concerns. Now, the Town’s Integrity Commissioner did not find that the Council Code of Conduct had been violated. That was very good news for one regional politician who had previously been found guilty of two previous violations for using racial slurs and bullying colleagues.

But the “poor me” histrionics were way over the top. Sorry, regional politicians, you may not have been guilty of violating the Code of Conduct, but you were guilty of allowing your constituents to leave your meeting with enough misinformation that they attacked the Mayor and integrity of Town Council on social media and in a local newspaper.

So, as far as this journalist is concerned, “I’m not buying what you’re selling.”

Your crocodile tears may have been appreciated by the tiny base of supporters that was present at Town Council that afternoon, but a political lie for survival is still a lie. Idiots, crooks, liars, and megalomaniac geniuses – you are in good company. Just make sure that the next time you hold a public meeting, the cameras are running.

Note to self: if you are that challenged and irresponsible that you can’t get a simple piece of factual information across to your audience, get off the stage … and out of public office.

***

Skid Crease, Caledon

A True Crime Story

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The Suspicious Deaths of Barry and Honey Sherman: suicide, murder, and insurance money

 The details of this story are based on all available public records at the time of writing. The specifics of the case are accurate; the speculation as to motive is pure conjecture based on the old adage:

“Follow the money.”

***

 You be the judge.

On the morning of December 15, 2018, the bodies of Barry and Honey Sherman, wealthy owners of Apotex Pharmaceuticals, were found in their home at 50 Old Colony Road, Toronto, discovered by a real estate agent who had been trying to contact them.

Their deaths were shocking. The passing of such great philanthropists was mourned by family, business associates, and friends. The Toronto Police were called in to investigate and announced that the deaths were “suspicious” and the cause of death was “ligature neck compression” usually associated either with strangulation or hanging. Now the question became, was it a double suicide, or a murder suicide pact, or a double homicide? In the one photo broadcast briefly on television, the crime scene showed two bodies in white robes or coats hanging at the edge of their indoor lap pool posed in symbolic elegance like something out of a Dan Brown novel.

Autopsies were performed. Initial speculation of murder suicide was obtained by the press. The family did not think that reflected well on their parent’s legacy and so they stepped in to the crime scene. This is something that generally only the very wealthy can do. A poverty stricken family of a mentally troubled person who is from a visible minority does not have access to private autopsy doctors or private investigators. They have to go with the standard police investigation, conclusions and report.

If you are very wealthy, and there is a lot at stake in terms of an upper class family brand, inheritance fortunes, insurance money and corporate control, you can do these things. They had their own private autopsy done. No doubt that the owners and partners of Apotex had access to every pharmaceutical under the sun, so who knows what chemical mix could turn up in one or both of the bodies.

What if it turned out that the “murder victim” had been drugged into a total relaxation before the ligature compression was applied? What if a similar pharmaceutical mix was found to have been ingested later by the “suicide victim”?  What if the victims calmly waited side by the side at the edge of the pool until the drugs took effect and the weight of their sagging bodies against the ligatures took care of the strangulation part? If the blind bitch goddess of justice is truly impartial, these are the questions that should be probed by the Toronto Police and not by a purchased private autopsy report or a family financed private investigation. The perception of conflict of interest is tantamount to a conflict of interest, especially when billions of dollars are involved.

When an ongoing investigation does not immediately deem that the deaths are homicides, nor are suspects being sought, and police have stated that there is no public safety risk, it usually indicates that whatever happened at that crime scene is isolated to that crime scene. In this case, the home of Barry and Honey Sherman and the indoor lap pool at 50 Old Colony Road, a home that was up for sale for nearly 5 million dollars.

Besides tarnishing the honourable and philanthropic legacy of Barry and Honey Sherman, a police report of suicide or murder/suicide would slow down the settlement of the estate. It would definitely slow down any life insurance payouts, possibly even eliminate them. Unhappy with the police “suspicious deaths” label, the family hired private investigators to look into the deaths.

A little background: generally, in Canada, if a person commits suicide, insurance policies become null and void. If a person is murdered, the policy goes to the beneficiary. In the case of a double suicide, no insurance money. However, in the case of a murder/suicide, the money of the murdered victim goes to their beneficiary, but the suicide victim gets no payout.

Now, this is where being wealthy and being able to afford really, really good lawyers and a sympathetic judge are important. Who was the murderer and who the suicide victim? In a case where the victim has been stabbed to death and the murderer has a single gunshot wound through the top of the skull, the verdict is pretty clear. The person without a brain is most likely a suicide and the insurance payment goes to the murdered victim’s beneficiary. There are variations on a theme here, like when a murder/suicide pact note is found indicating that both parties wanted out. That nullifies any life insurance payments.

The simplest case of all is when the police determine that the victims were a double homicide. Insurance gets paid as soon as the investigation concludes. That is exactly the conclusion reached by the private investigators hired by the Sherman family. That report was released to the Toronto Daily Star on Friday, January 19. 2018. It proposes that proposes Barry and Honey Sherman were victims of a double homicide. The family purchased private report now contends that that Shermans were found kneeling at the edge of the pool with their hands bound. Insurance problem almost solved.

Almost. But given that this contradicts the Toronto Police report, and that no suspects are being sought and that no public safety warning has been issued by the police, enter really, really good lawyers and judges to settle the dispute. No pressure, but there are millions of dollars and 1% reputations riding on the outcome.

Crime and Punishment in Toronto 2018 … the story has yet to be concluded, but you can write your own conclusions and see how they compare to the next chapter.

Wait for the public autopsy, compare it to the private autopsy and then write one ending from the official police perspective, and one from the Private Investigators hired by the Sherman family. Write one from a Globe & Mail perspective, and one from a Toronto Star perspective. Maybe even one from a Toronto Sun perspective. You be the judge.

And then write the screenplay. It will be riveting.