Category Archives: Humour

WTF Moments in Life

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Prior to the April 21/25 release of my editorial on Pierre Poilievre, I felt compelled to insert a recent experience with a Caledon resident. I had been at a local clinic getting therapy for my knee (the joys of walking a border collie on icy sidewalks) when another client came to the front desk, She had apparently just finished a massage therapy session and was waxing eloquent about the health benefits of massage.

Standing beside her at the counter, I made a friendly observation that, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if a government would include a once a month massage as a basic health benefit?”

To which she commented, “Yes, as long as it’s not a Liberal government!”

WTF!

To which I replied, “That’s not an answer. That’s an invitation to debate. I’ve done a fair bit of research on Pierre Poilievre, and do you think that the Party that has promised to kill Pharmacare, Dental Care, and School Lunch Programs is going to give us the benefit of a monthly massage therapy treatment?”

She grew agitated, took her receipt off the counter and left, muttering under her breath that “Carney is shady.”  What that comment had to do with our exchange about the benefits of massage therapy being included in basic health care,  I have no idea. But the facts remain the same. The government most likely to care for Canadian’s health benefits would be either New Democratic, Green, or Liberal. It sure wouldn’t be Conservative no matter how long you’ve voted for them in the past. Thems’s the facts.

The way I see it.

Welcome Back

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Dear Readers,

After taking a break for two years to focus on health and family, I have decided to come out of hibernation. From the annexation of Crimea to the invasion of Ukraine by Russia, from the attacks of Hamas to the extermination of Palestine by Israel, from the humanitarian crises from Sudan to Syria, Gaza, Ukraine, Congo, Afghanistan, Yemen, Ethiopia, South Sudan,  and Chad, we are witnessing koyaanisqatsi – a Hopi term signifying life out of balance.

Now we have the chaos south of our previously comfortable borders seeping into our mythologically polite Canadian lives. Truskland, as I have renamed the political real estate to our south (Google has not agreed, yet) is now a perfect example of what happens when you let the idiotes (check the original Greek) take over mission control. This new gargantuan political pandemic may turn out to be more dangerous than our recent battle with a tiny virus.

Canada faces a critical decision in the coming weeks. We can either elect the person who would be the next Prime Minister of Canada, or we can elect the person who would be the Governor of the 51st State.

My first official return blog will be published on April 13, two weeks before the election. It is titled: Beware the Pierre, the Man Who Would be Governor. And I quote: “Trump’s invitation to become the 51st State is like a blow to the head from a metal pipe is an invitation to nap.”  Thank you, CBC Debaters.

Elbows up. Canada Strong. The way I see it.

Success and Failure at COP 27

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Car fumes are killing us. So why isn't anyone telling us not to drive? | Susanna Rustin | The Guardian

 

The 27th meeting of the Council of Parties, or COP 27 as it is commonly known, was grinding down to a slow stop on Friday, November 18, 2022.

United Nations Secretary General Antonio Guterres told the delegates, “Ever-rising greenhouse gas emissions are supercharging extreme weather events across the planet. These increasing calamities cost lives and hundreds of billions of dollars in loss and damage. Three times more people are displaced by climate disasters than war. Half of humanity is already in the danger zone. We must invest equally in adaptation and resilience. That includes the information that allows us to anticipate storms, heatwaves, floods and droughts. To that end, I have called for every person on Earth to be protected by early warning systems within five years, with the priority to support the most vulnerable first.”

Success came when the wealthiest nations on Earth, capable of hosting distractions like World Cup sporting events, finally declared financial support for the severe weather event damages affecting some of the poorest countries on Earth. The establishment of an international Loss and Damage Fund was seen as a major breakthrough, although who would pay and how much each nation would pay was left to future negotiations.

Failure came when the delegations could not reach agreement on emissions reduction targets. Mark Campanale, Director of Carbon Tracker, issued the following statement at the conclusion of COP 27: “While critical that the goal of 1.5C survives, as reaffirmed by G20 leaders, we cannot ignore the challenges it faced in Egypt from the fossil fuel lobby which turned out in force, viewing COP 27 as an opportunity to dress up “natural gas” as a climate solution.”

It is easy to blame the international fossil fool lobby for their economic insensitivity. “Greed is good” right? “It’s not personal, it’s just business.” We’ve heard the same arguments since 1988 when the accelerating climate change crisis was first announced to the world. However, it struck closer to home as I was walking my dog in the pre-dawn hours last Friday morning. We live in a typical residential neighbourhood, and on this typical cold, snowy November morning almost every vehicle in every driveway that we passed was idling, spewing out petrochemical emissions into the air. The stench was so intense from some of the bigger trucks that we had to circle upwind around them.

Some driveways of small semi–detached homes had up to four vehicles parked. Some had super-sized pick up trucks jammed in the driveway and onto the lawn. Many were sitting idling with no one in them – the curse of the remote electric starter. Start up the truck from bed, make a coffee, have breakfast, idle the engine for half an hour, and our air quality be damned.

This is Canada. We should simply put on some warm clothes and a parka, get out our snowbrush/scraper, and clean off our vehicles! We don’t lounge around inside for half an hour waiting for our idling truck to reach an internal temperature of 22C as all the exterior frost, ice and snow melts off. It’s time to Canuck up!

Almost every community in Ontario has idling by laws. Here are some examples:

The Town of Caledon‘s idling bylaw states: No person shall cause or permit a vehicle to idle for more than two (2) minutes total in a sixty (60) minute period in an outdoor environment.

Vaughan: No person shall cause or permit a Motor Vehicle to idle for more than five (5) consecutive minutes.

Toronto: The idling Control By-law limits idling to no more than one (1) minute in a sixty (60) minute period

There you have it. Any mechanic will tell us that a two minute idle is all we need to get the engine warmed up. Anything beyond that is wasteful and can damage our engine components. We can just go out to start up the car, brush and scrape off the snow and ice, and head off on our daily rounds. We don’t need an international agreement. We just need to think globally and act locally.

We may not be able to shake some sense into the profit filled skulls of corporate fossil fuel executives, but at least we can follow our own community’s guidelines for being part of the solution to a global climate crisis. If we truly want to cut global emissions, it might be good to remember that charity begins at home. The way I see it.
***

Skid Crease, Caledon

Caledon’s Third Party “Report Card”

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REPORT CARDS WERE DISTRIBUTED FOR STUDENTS IN GRADE 8 TO GRADE 12 | Mount Elizabeth Middle Secondary School

I recently attended the Inaugural of the new Council for the Town of Caledon and that report can be found in Just Sayin’ Caledon. Words of truth and reconciliation were spoken from the stage and the atmosphere as the event concluded was rather warm and fuzzy. As I was gathering up my gear from the media table where I had been taking notes throughout the event, a person approached me and asked, “Are you a reporter?” Context should have provided a clue, but I answered, “Yes.”

“Then why didn’t you do an article on our report card?” he demanded. It took a moment to register, but then I noticed that this person had emerged from the quadrant of the reception hall that held an enthusiastic crowd of supporters of one of the new Council members. “Don’t you like Kathleen Wilson?” he asked me.

“I don’t like most third party advertising,” I responded.

“But The Pointer has a report,” he declared.  “The Brampton Pointer?” I burst out laughing.

At that point, a very burly well dressed man from the same crowd accompanying a tall blonde woman out of the hall told me to “F*ck off.” “Well, so much for peace and understanding,” I responded. He then threw me the middle finger over his shoulder – not once, but twice.

And that was all the proof I needed as to the mindset and bias that permeated the “Caledon Council Report Card” and its creators.

First, let’s be clear on one thing. The “Caledon Council Report Card” produced by the third party advertiser “A Better Caledon” is NOT A REPORT CARD. I  am an educator. I wrote report cards for thirty years. The purpose of a report card is to describe the level of achievement, life skills and social emotional growth that a student has shown over the course of an school year. Grading is based on a teacher’s evaluation of a student’s performance.

It can include comparison of a student’s achievement level with a class average, but one student can NEVER be compared to another single student. To do so is an insidious corruption of the evaluation process. You compare students not against each other arbitrarily, but you compare their performances against standards.

This “report card” had no standards. A political report card should have the same level of professionalism as a school report card. It must describe the level of achievement, life skills and social emotional growth that an elected representative has shown over the course of a political term. Grading is based on citizens’ evaluation of a politician’s performance. The standards for politicians are contained in their Declaration of Office Oath and the Code of Conduct.

In a political campaign, third party advertisers have one job: to build up their candidate at the expense of all opposition. The goal is to make their candidate look like a silk purse and all other candidates look like a sow’s ear. Period. They are not impartial; they are totally biased, and their “facts” present a myopic précis of the whole story – sort of like six blind men and the elephant.

The very fact the “Report Card” was trumpeted in a pointless Brampton publication is proof enough of its insignificance as a valid report card. It’s kind of like getting your picture on the front page of The National Enquirer along with an article on alien babies. Absolutely pure, accurate, peer reviewed investigative journalism, eh?

Now, was the “report card” effective? Did it sway voters to believe in their highly selective set of facts? Did it “help sway an election” as headlined in a Brampton tabloid? Absolutely! But was it an unbiased, impartial report card reflecting on the true performance of our political candidates over their years of service to the Town of Caledon. Absolutely NOT.

So, strange little person who wanted a review of your partisan propaganda, here it is. Be careful for what you wish. Your “report card” gets a failing grade. The way I see it.

***

Skid Crease, Caledon

 

A Government Lacking in Maskulinity

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MASKULINITY: the qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of an intelligent, empathetic personRestore the Mask Mandate! – CUPE 3902

This week in Ontario it was announced that we had a perfect viral storm sweeping across Ontario. The flu, which had already swept across the southern hemisphere, arrived here early. That, combined with the continuing spread of COVID-19 and the reappearance of RSV (respiratory syncytial virus) created this perfect storm. It is  particularly affecting the health of our children. Paediatric care centres at our hospitals are swamped trying to deal with the surge in respiratory illnesses.

Doctors and Medical Officers of Health across Ontario are asking us to do one simple thing: WEAR A MASK!  They are even asking for the province to reinstate the mask mandate. But Dr. Kieran Moore takes his marching orders from Premier Ford. And the good premier, sadly lacking in maskulinity, is making wearing a mask in public settings optional. The reason? Fear of the rabid 30% of the Canadian population who are aggressive and intimidating anti-maskers. Yes, a recent Nanos Research poll found that 70% of Canadians would support a return to the mask mandate in order to calm this perfect storm.

I would hazard a guess that these 30% also support the misguided Freedumb Philosophy of the Ottawa  occupation terrorist Fruckers, anti-vaxxers, anti-science, anti-community health mob. Possibly also some of the crowd who painted their trucks and protest signs with slogans that they wanted to have sex with our Prime Minister.

And so this populist government will respond as it always has to a crisis. It will keep Ontario Open for Business until  perfect storm peaks in the winter of 2023 and the health care system is overwhelmed. It will wait until parents and children start to die, Remember that old adage: “A stitch in time saves nine.” It would be important for this government to remember it’s better to solve a problem right away, to stop it becoming a much bigger one.

A return to a mask mandate is that stitch in time. The resistant 30% need to up their maskulinity before we all pay the piper for their selfishness. The way I see it.

***

Skid Crease, Caledon

* image from CUPE 3902