We have heard about plastic bag bans, and plastic straw bans, and micro-bead plastic bans. Now, in this year of provincial and municipal elections, I am proposing a ban a plastic sleeve advertising signs.

We expect them from our political candidates to encourage us to get off our duffs and vote. But in an election spring you would think that small businesses would back off just a little with their insidious median plastic sleeve sign advertising.

In my neighbourhood in Bolton, overpowering the provincial election, were signs for Dog Grooming, Spiritual Healing, Chimney Cleaning, Roofing, Basement Renovations, Home Retrofits, Landscaping, Lawn Care, and Phat Boy Fireworks.  They were everywhere!

They were on medians, beside stop signs, on traffic light poles, at mailboxes, at gas stations, in front of restaurants, and in front of the beautiful Caledon Parks very classy new signs. Which totally defeats the purpose of having a Caledon Parks very classy new sign. Enough already! Stop with all the cheap plastic sleeve signs.

My proposal is that during the four year election cycle, no other signs get median posted. Better still, I propose a total boycott of any small business that dares to sign pollute a neighbourhood. Likewise, I propose a boycott on any garage sale that sticks their signs on STOP signs and traffic light standards. In Mississauga, residents can get permission from the City to remove “nuisance signs” from medians and traffic light poles. Election signs and private property signs are, of course, exempt.

Enough of this sign pollution in Caledon. Councillors, pick up the sword of justice in your hands and smite down this intrusive plastic pollution. Small businesses, take out an irritating front page fold-over ad in one of our local weekly newspapers and support print press. Until we get a nuisance signs by-law, the Forgiveness Principle is in effect.

And in the meantime, and as Clint Eastwood so eloquently growled in Gran Torino, “Get off of my lawn!”

The way I see it.

***

Skid Crease, Caledon

• image from carricario-coche.blogspot.com

It was a stunning admission. Reading the writing on the wall, Kathleen Wynne announced today that she would not be Premier following the results of Thursday’s election. In my eyes, an honourable, honest, intelligent and articulate woman became the sacrificial Liberal lamb to decades of old boy backroom deals. The Globe and Mail investigative reports published at the end of last week sealed her fate, especially for Caledon.

In Caledon, a popular and competent PC candidate is up for re-election. The only problem is that any vote for any PC candidate anywhere in Ontario is a vote for Doug Ford. And that is a tragedy in the making. The idea that we could put into office an incompetent pompous populist with no fully funded policy platform is inconceivable. Yet, in this world of black mirrors, fully possible.

In Caledon, the Liberal vote has nowhere to go but to Laura Campbell of the Green Party. It would give us a fresh, intelligent and passionate voice for Dufferin Caledon, it would take a seat away from Doug Ford, and it would show that Caledon has evolved.

No more of the “Well my great-great grandfather voted conservative, and my grandfather voted conservative, and my father and mother voted conservative, and my children voted … what? They voted Green?”

Yes, they voted Green because they wanted affordable housing, lower energy prices, positive climate change proposals, a healthy environment for their future, affordable health care, and a consensus building intelligent voice at Queen’s Park.

The dinosaurs went extinct because they couldn’t adapt to sudden change. Time to evolve Caledon.

The way I see it.

***

Skid Crease, Caledon

Dear Matthew,

Sorry for the delay – since taking on the Backyard Hens Pilot Project at the Albion Hills Community Farm I am on the go from 5:00 am until sunset when I put them to bed. But a lot of fun. You should do a story on this project – official opening on Saturday June 2, from noon to 3:00 with the Bolton Scouts.

Haven’t been able to get to Council lately so I am not aware of what they have been throwing at the fan. As to my writings, they are satirical but certainly don’t fit the definition of hate speech:

“Hate speech is speech that attacks a person or group on the basis of attributes such as race, religion, ethnic origin, national origin, gender, disability, sexual orientation, or gender identity.[1][2] The law of some countries describes hate speech as speech, gesture or conduct, writing, or display that incites violence or prejudicial action against a protected group or individual on the basis of their membership of the group, or because it disparages or intimidates a protected group, or individual on the basis of their membership of the group.”

And yes, I love to expose hypocrisy in journalism and politics in my blog. You should reread Jonathon Swift’s “A Modest Proposal” – sometimes eviscerating satire is the only way to wake people up to what is happening around them. Yes, I am a member in good standing with the Canadian Association of Journalists. Tim Forster, researching for his wife Regional Councillor Barb Shaugnessy, incorrectly reported to her that I was not a member, and she unfortunately libeled me in a rather nasty blog.

Speaking of which, here is what one of the good citizens I satirized in a limerick (after she attempted to smear the Mayor and two respected Regional Councillors) wrote back to me:

“Good morning skid shit crease Eat a shit sandwhich and die You are a piece of garbage Im not going to even read your junk You will not have that satisfaction People already think your a fucking asshole amd you lool like an idiot.”

Now, while it is definitely uneducated potty mouth speech worthy of a Sunlight soaping, it is not hate speech. But much nastier than anything I have ever written. Matthew, I intend to ensure that any blogger who lies or misleads or spreads false rumour and innuendo is exposed and publicly shamed. And the same goes for any journalist who attempts to create a crisis where there is none, or who acts as a loudspeaker for the Trumps of this world,

As to evisceration, Merriam Webster defines it as: “to deprive of vital content or force.” Yeah, I’m definitely not into the animal butchering alternate meaning.

I am sick and tired of media spin that makes incompetent politicians and special interest citizens look like community spokespeople. So yes, I will with pen and keyboard eviscerate anyone who lies, misleads, and smears the hardworking employees and politicians and citizens of this Town.

Now, I have to get back to volunteering at the Community Farm, but I hope this helps.

Skid