Category Archives: Humour

Herd Stupidity

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Over the course of the coronavirus pandemic, the term “herd immunity” has become a part of our vocabulary. That was based on the ill-founded hope that if enough people got exposed to COVID-19, the general population might develop an immunity to the virus.

And while herd immunity may be a distant dream, herd stupidity is flourishing. It was on full display in Toronto recently as groups of anti-maskers, anti-vaxxers, Q-Anon conspiracists, evangelical extremists, MAGA cap deplorables, freedom rally revolutionaries,  and the curious public joined the owner of Adamson’s BBQ as he protested his right to violate Ontario’s pandemic health guidelines restricting indoor dining.

As scatologists have noted, that the moment after a dog drops a piece of excrement on your lawn, carrion flies appear out of nowhere to congregate for the feast. So it is with the Adamson BBQ “freedom” protest, and the scent spread like wildfire on social media. We don’t have to go to the US and watch Thanksgiving and Black Friday crowds to see clear examples of herd stupidity. We have our own outstanding examples right here in Toronto the Good.

The way I see it.

***

Skid Crease, Caledon

* image from blogto.com

 

The Good News

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We all woke up this morning to the good news that the outgoing president of the Disunited States of America has finally allowed the formal transition to begin for a legitimate President named Joseph R. Biden along with his Vice-President, Kamala J. Harris. Took long enough but, as Leonard Cohen sings, “Democracy is coming to the USA!”

And while there is still bad news out there about the millions of COVIDIOT carrion flies travelling across country to feast on turkey carrion for this Unthanksgiving long weekend, there is good news in many neighbourhoods.

As wiser elders have often said, “We cannot appreciate the warmth of the light until we have emerged from the cold darkness,” So it is with the good news.

The good news in our lockdown neighbourhood is that we have mostly wonderful neighbours. Granted, we also have a challenged family with their attack dogs and multiple idling cars, and neglected property, but in perspective it means nothing, We have in abundance good neighbours with happy pets, respectful conversations, shared stories, and loving helpful children.

After a recent  hospital visit, I found multiple containers of the most delicious meals imaginable on my front porch.  The note said: “In my culture, the respected Elder is to be treated like a King,”

I love my neighbourhood. That’s the good news!

***

Skid Crease, Caledon

*  image from azquotes.com 

An American Thanksgiving, 2020

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 Ah, American Thanksgiving. Truly one of the greatest myths of all time. How does a fanatical religious cult of Plymouth Pilgrims show their thanks to the Wampanoag Native Americans who shared an autumn harvest feast with them and saved them from sickness and starvation that first fateful winter? Why, they spend the next 400 years stealing their lands from coast to coast to coast, and committing cultural genocide. In your God We Trust? Thanks, but no thanks.

But the myth is so strong, that even with cases surging, hospitals overwhelmed, and over 250,000 Americans dead from the coronavirus pandemic, family members, partners and friends will ignore all of the Federal CDC and local State health guidelines telling them to stay home and not to travel. They will joyfully jump into their cars, and head off to a big fat family Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone they contacted along the way will get to share in the feast. Herd stupidity ensures that super-spreader events, like Thanksgiving, will flourish.

This year, the Thanksgiving Break goes from Thursday, November 26, through the Black Friday holiday, and into the weekend. At least four days to share aerosols and droplets with all you love, and all those you meet along the way. As Tevye sings in Fiddler on the Roof, “Tradition!” And this particular Thanksgiving is a tradition to die for.

This Thanksgiving 2020, a microscopic virus will be giving thanks for all of the covidiots. In November of 2021, the survivors will celebrate the 400th Anniversary of that first mythical Thanksgiving feast. Miigwech.

The way I see it.

***

Skid Crease, Caledon

* image from pinoytransplant.com

 

 

The Miseducation of Conservatives

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It was revealed today that 70% of Republicans think that Joseph R. Biden won the US Presidency because of voter fraud. This follows the statement from Chris Krebs, the DHS head of cyber security and election integrity in the US, that the 2020 vote was “the most secure in the history of American elections.” His statement contradicted the President’s “alternative truth” and Donald pulled a “You’re fired!” on Chris the next day.

When Fox News agreed with Chris, frustrated facist Republicans turned to the farther to the right One America News (OAN) and Newsmax Media. Now the former President, failed real estate scammer, and apoplectic Apprentice wants to start his own Trump TV to continue the dumbing down of his acolytes. Howard Stern immediately predicted it would be about as successful as a Trump Casino.

All of this might lead one to conclude that 70% of Republicans are really, really stupid. But consider the source of their education. And consider that it is not just Republicans in the US being fed a curriculum of fudged facts. Just look at the Conservative media messaging in Canada for a more polite but equally frightening perspective.

Doug Ford stands stiffly for his daily “press briefing” and proclaims he has been fully transparent about his coronavirus campaign while failing to reveal the data and detailed reports from his newly appointed “expert panel” whose sole purpose is to Keep Ontario Open. Previously he wouldn’t reveal the input from his “stakeholder groups” of “concerned parents” and businesses. No Doug, that is NOT being transparent. That is exactly the opposite of being transparent.

It’s like Stephen Lecce declaring that his “plan” for the upcoming school holidays was to have an extended holiday. Really Stephen? That is NOT a plan. Not a bad idea though, to allow those holiday reveling families to have two weeks of quarantine after New Years celebrations. Get tested mid-January and then come back to the crowded classrooms.

However, when floated out to the public, as populous governments will often do, this idea received negative feedback from parents who could not bear the thought of having to parent their own children into the middle of January.  The non-plan was cancelled. For now.

The unfortunate thing is that many Ontarians actually believe that Premier Ford was being “transparent” and that Minister Lecce had a “plan” just as 70% of Republicans believe that the US Presidential 2020 election was stolen by millions of dead immigrant children who cast illegal mail-in ballots and hacked voting machines.

The way I see it.

***

Skid Crease, Caledon

A Coronavirus Christmas

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A Coronavirus Christmas by Skid Crease

… with apologies to Burl Ives Have a Jolly Holly Christmas …

Ding, dong, ding,.. Ding, dong, ding …

Have a coronavirus Christmas,    The vaccine’s just out of reach;
We’re not sure there’ll be a cure,   But have a cup of bleach.

Have a coronavirus Christmas,    And when you walk down the street
Wear a mask and go real fast,    Past everyone you meet.

 

Ho, hold the Microban®   Out where all can see.
If someone tries to hug you,    Spray them once for me.

Have a coronavirus Christmas    And in case you didn’t hear
There’s no cure for a Coronavirus Christmas    This year!

Have a coronavirus Christmas,     The vaccine’s just out of reach;
We’re not sure there’ll be a cure,    But have a cup of bleach.

Ho, hold the Microban®    Out where all can see.
If someone tries to hug you,    Spray them once for me.

Have a coronavirus Christmas,    And in case you didn’t hear
There’s no cure for a Coronavirus Christmas     This year!

(Ding, dong, ding, dong) (Ding, dong, ding, dong) (Ding, dong, ding, dong)

***

*image from giantmicrobes.com