The Witch Hunt is Over

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The Witch is dead.  Or at least in his death throes. It’s 5:00 am on Saturday morning November 7, 2020 and I’m calling the election. The 46th President of the United States of America is Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.

Writhing in impotent anger as the flames flicker out beneath his cauldron, Donald John Trump will be dragged kicking and screaming from the Peoples House. He has already declared that there will be no concession speech and that his illegal team is ready to sue any and all who dare to imply that he is a loser in this 2020 American Presidential election cycle. But lose he did, with both the popular vote and an Electoral College majority going to Sleepy Joe. Didn’t see that one coming did you, Mr. Impeached President?

The dust has yet to settle on the remaining vote count, and it is never over until the obese turtle shrivels, but it appears as if the remaining states of Arizona, Georgia, Nevada and Pennsylvania are all going to Biden which will carry him well over the 270 Electoral College votes needed for declaring a Presidential victory.

And that lack of concession speech? Turns out it’s a courtesy, something else of which DJT was incapable, like being a President. When the votes are all counted, the next President of the United States of America will be sworn in on Inauguration Day, Wednesday, January 20, 2021 whether the former president concedes or not.

We should know officially by the end of the weekend, but I’m calling it now. The witch hunt is over, The witch is dead. Time to replant Michelle’s Garden. The way I see it.

***

Skid Crease, Caledon

*image from exclaim.ca

Remember November 5

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November 5 in England is celebrated as Guy Fawkes Day, a day of masked protest against oppressive neo-facist governments. Although the mask most of us are familiar with these days is designed to prevent the spread of COVID-19, the Guy Fawkes mask is particularly fitting on this November 5 when the premature results of the American election will be announced. This mask may help prevent the spread of the STUPID-45 virus.

The mask was made famous in recent cinematic history by the anarchist hero of “V for Vendetta” in a stark black and white rendition. William Rookwood could be an allegorical figure representing every protester from Portland to Caledonia to Lagos to Minsk to Hong Kong. Unlike V in his farewell bed of roses on an explosives laden train, the historical Guy Fawkes was captured before he could blow up the Parliament Buildings. He was tried and sentenced to be hung, drawn and quartered. While climbing up the hanging ladder, he jumped off and broke his neck, dying instantly in a final act of protest.

It would be fitting if the results of the US election were announced today and a victory declared against an oppressive, neo-facist President. Most of us are already masked in preparation – just don’t go climbing any ladders. We need all the anti-facist, pro-democracy voices we can find. From the results south of our border, it looks like half the population is unfortunately unmasked and infected. It will take a lot of work to unite these divided States of America.

Don’t worry though, because Joe has no intention of blowing up anything. He and Dr. Jill will just have to really, really thoroughly disinfect and wear masks until all the viruses are cleaned out of The People’s House. And then replant Michelle’s garden!

Until then it looks like at least one more week of  “sunny days” here in Canada, home of the trees, and land of the waves from coast to coast to coast.

The way I see it.

***

Skid Cease, Caledon

 

How to Survive the 2020 US Election

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  1. Buy a bottle of champagne.
  2. Do not open on the evening of November 3, 2020!
  3. Leave it on ice until Valentine’s Day.
  4. Uncork in February 2021 and either celebrate joy or soothe your sorrows.

Yes, champagne is apparently the choice of people celebrating democracy. In the US, Republicans prefer bourbon, Democrats like martinis, and bipartisan folks prefer rum according to the “Politically Correct Guide to Favourite Drinks Following an American Election” reference site.

Now, this might be rich coming from the designated driver who prefers Svalbarði Polar Iceberg Water for those truly momentous occasions, but the point is … WAIT. Nothing in this election will be normal. Even if there is an overwhelming landslide for the Biden-Harris ticket and the Democrats take back the Senate, Trump will sue because he, in his own mind, can never lose. Therefore, if he loses, the election must have been fixed, and his Supreme Court will rule the day to correct this terrible wrong.

So, given that reality, in order to survive the election, collect all of your family’s communications devices, shut down your home Internet, and go away into the wilderness for three months. At least. Commune with nature, eat beech nuts, and listen to the wind. Come back when the insanity is over.

Doubtless, upon your return, the results will continue to be endlessly debated by media pundits of all stripes, the right and left and middle and extreme fringes will still not be playing nice, COVID -19 or some other pandemic will be in another cycle, and that champagne will taste bubbly and just fine in February,. Cheers!

The way I see it.

***

Skid Crease, Caledon

*image from smithsonian.com

 

I’m Gettin’ Impeached for Christmas

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Let’s all sing-a-long … to the tune of “I’m Gettin’ Nuttin’ for Christmas” …

original by Sid Tepper and Roy C . Bennett; new lyrics by Skid Crease

CHORUS:

I’m getting impeached for Christmas!

Nancy and Adam are mad.

I’m getting impeached for Christmas.

‘Cause I ain’t been nothing but bad!

 

Cast a spell on Rob’s Report.

Somebody snitched on me!

Booked G7 at my Resort

Somebody snitched on me!

I swept my bribes under the rug,

Squished Yovanovitch like a bug.

Acted like a mobster thug,

Somebody snitched on me!

repeat CHORUS

I rigged the 2020 race.

Somebody snitched on me!

Went to a party in Orangeface.

Somebody snitched on me!

I did a dance on Michelle’s plants,

Went on crazy Twitter rants.

White House filled with sycophants.

Somebody snitched on me!

repeat CHORUS

You’d better be good, whatever you do

Cause if you don’t, I’m telling you

You’ll get impeached for Christmas!

But I don’t care! I asked for nothing,

NOTHING!

Dear Karma,

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Two years ago, when I began reporting from a  media desk for municipal council meetings, I discovered that not all who enter politics do so to serve the people they represent. Some get to power owing favours to the private funders who pay for their campaigns. Although donations to municipal candidates are capped, and although financial records must be submitted for public scrutiny, wealthy corporations and individuals find ways around the rules.

Our little Town is only a microcosm of the problem that was exposed in the May 2018 “Public Money, Private Influence” series by the Globe and Mail. This investigation delved into intimidation and corruption of public officials at municipal and provincial levels. It was shocking, but more shocking still was the silence that followed from local press.

We know that the temptation of being seduced by lobbyists exists at all levels of government. But the big action is at the municipal level where developers with deep pockets begin their lobbying. That is why resistance to Schedule 10 was so necessary and why it is important to review and revise the upcoming Bill 108, a thinly veiled attempt to bypass environmental regulations and give developers a carte blanche under the guise of “jobs and affordable housing for the people, my friends.”

Sorry, but a literate society throws up a red flag when they hear the words, “We’re cutting the red tape to get rid of those pesky environmental regulations that slow down projects. Gosh darn it, we can’t let some Environmental Assessment Act stand in the way of economic growth! Ontario is Open for Business!” Bill 108, like Schedule 10 before it, shifts the responsibility to the municipalities, effectively narrowing the focus of influence peddling.

Let’s say Corporation A, or business person B, want candidate C to get elected to further their development agendas. A and B take their multi-thousand dollar donation and spread it out over family, friends, and associates who each contribute their qualifying amount to the candidate’s campaign.

Previously, the limit for municipal campaign contributions to one candidate was $750, but that was increased to $1,200 in 2017, just after union and corporate donations were banned. So now, a wealthy donor seeking influence can take $120,000 and distribute it to 100 people who make 100 legal donations to a candidate. The financial records reflect no wrongdoing, and the lucky candidate C has brochures, signs, and a tech savvy staffed campaign office to die for.  The candidates without those wealthy sponsors are left with the trickle down votes.

Sadly, I discovered that some journalists are also not immune from this circle of influence, slanting articles to create a crisis where there was none, and giving a platform for the loudest candidates to get name recognition. That is a violation of journalistic integrity. That truly is “fake news” for the purpose of distracting us from legitimate issues that will affect our present and future.

Before I became a journalist, I taught for 30 years in the North York School Board, one of the most vibrant and creative school boards in Canada until ravaged by amalgamation. During that time I counseled six teachers out of the profession – people who were either unethical, incompetent, or incapable of giving their students the best personal and professional care they could deliver.

I expect the same from members of my new profession – clarity and truth, I expect the same of my elected officials – integrity and honesty. When I began my reporting career a good friend gave me a coffee mug with a meaningful quote on the front . My friend knew The Count of Monte Cristo was my favourite novel. She said, “Don’t let them get away with lying.” The quotation said, “Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed …”

The way I see it.

**”

Skid Crease, Caledon