Category Archives: Humour

A Coronavirus Christmas

Posted on by
Reply
Share this post:

A Coronavirus Christmas by Skid Crease

… with apologies to Burl Ives Have a Jolly Holly Christmas …

Ding, dong, ding,.. Ding, dong, ding …

Have a coronavirus Christmas,    The vaccine’s just out of reach;
We’re not sure there’ll be a cure,   But have a cup of bleach.

Have a coronavirus Christmas,    And when you walk down the street
Wear a mask and go real fast,    Past everyone you meet.

 

Ho, hold the Microban®   Out where all can see.
If someone tries to hug you,    Spray them once for me.

Have a coronavirus Christmas    And in case you didn’t hear
There’s no cure for a Coronavirus Christmas    This year!

Have a coronavirus Christmas,     The vaccine’s just out of reach;
We’re not sure there’ll be a cure,    But have a cup of bleach.

Ho, hold the Microban®    Out where all can see.
If someone tries to hug you,    Spray them once for me.

Have a coronavirus Christmas,    And in case you didn’t hear
There’s no cure for a Coronavirus Christmas     This year!

(Ding, dong, ding, dong) (Ding, dong, ding, dong) (Ding, dong, ding, dong)

***

*image from giantmicrobes.com

Truth Decay

Posted on by
Reply
Share this post:

 When a philandering and failed NY real estate “mogul” began to muse about becoming the President of the United States, all of the storm warning flags should have gone up. When we saw how the arrogant reality TV “star” ran his board, we should have closed the beaches. But when he began to promote conspiracy birther theories about the 44th President of the United States, we should have boarded up the windows and left town. And left him behind.

From his full page attacks on the innocent Central Park Five to the Pizzagate Pedophile Ring, he openly revealed his true character and the depth of his intelligence as if shallowness and stupidity were traits to be admired. And the shallow and the stupid bought it hook, line, and sinker.

The truth decay spread rampantly through social media and complicit corporate media. It spead through conspiracy operatives like Steve Bannon and Roger Stone and infected all who could not see the little man behind the curtain. In Canada, it spread through the Conservative Party of Canada, through the provincial Conservatives, through the Wexiters, through the Yellow Vesters, through the “Freedom Rally” #COVIDIOTS, through the religious wrong and the evangelical illiterate.

There is no easy treatment for this truth decay. Even normal tooth decay treatment by fluoride would get the conspiracy theorists out screaming about a government conspiracy to poison our drinking water. No, this truth decay is going to require intense conversion therapy for the brain to make the transition from stupidity to a modicum of intelligence. Gravity works.

With almost 50% of Americans and 30% of Canadians infected by truth decay, it bodes well for the future of education. Forget the 3R’s of Rage, Rant, and Reject the facts. Let’s move forward in 2021 with the 3E’s:  lessons in Ecology, Economics and Ethics will be a good curriculum for 2021.

The way I see it.

***

Skid Crease, Caledon

*image from rand.com

 

Democracy Works

Posted on by
Reply
Share this post:

I don’t want to gloat, but remember that the American 2020 election was first called here at 5:00 a.m. on November 7. 2020.  I did send it to my Editor, but she was waiting for “official” verification. DARN – missed the scoop!

I will go one further and predict that the final Electoral College tally will show that Joseph Biden took a commanding 306 votes, well over the 270 required to attain the Presidency, while DJT garnered a losing 232, well short.

Granted, the popular vote was split, with Biden holding the majority by a meagre 4%. Enough to verify my prediction, and enough to indicate that the United States of America is anything but united. The best part of today was hearing President Obama chastize Republicans for their assault on voting integrity in America, He was shooting three pointers from half court while they were dribbling and drooling, unmasked, on the sidelines.

Ted Cruz, Rick Santorum, Lindsay Graham et al will go down in the anus of history as both dangerously stupid and #COVIDIOTS. While Trump golfs, coronavirus cases soar. Now that the election has been verified as legitimate in every way, don’t we all feel just rather silly for encouraging the Mango Mussolini to spew and contaminate democracy and public health with every TwitterTrashTirade? He Who Cannot be Named, use your final days in office to either lead or get out of the way.

You’re fired, Donald, and the next very dark chapter of your life is about to begin.

The way I see it

***

Skid Crease, Caledon

*image from uk.com

The Witch Hunt is Over

Posted on by
Reply
Share this post:

The Witch is dead.  Or at least in his death throes. It’s 5:00 am on Saturday morning November 7, 2020 and I’m calling the election. The 46th President of the United States of America is Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.

Writhing in impotent anger as the flames flicker out beneath his cauldron, Donald John Trump will be dragged kicking and screaming from the Peoples House. He has already declared that there will be no concession speech and that his illegal team is ready to sue any and all who dare to imply that he is a loser in this 2020 American Presidential election cycle. But lose he did, with both the popular vote and an Electoral College majority going to Sleepy Joe. Didn’t see that one coming did you, Mr. Impeached President?

The dust has yet to settle on the remaining vote count, and it is never over until the obese turtle shrivels, but it appears as if the remaining states of Arizona, Georgia, Nevada and Pennsylvania are all going to Biden which will carry him well over the 270 Electoral College votes needed for declaring a Presidential victory.

And that lack of concession speech? Turns out it’s a courtesy, something else of which DJT was incapable, like being a President. When the votes are all counted, the next President of the United States of America will be sworn in on Inauguration Day, Wednesday, January 20, 2021 whether the former president concedes or not.

We should know officially by the end of the weekend, but I’m calling it now. The witch hunt is over, The witch is dead. Time to replant Michelle’s Garden. The way I see it.

***

Skid Crease, Caledon

*image from exclaim.ca

Remember November 5

Posted on by
Reply
Share this post:

November 5 in England is celebrated as Guy Fawkes Day, a day of masked protest against oppressive neo-facist governments. Although the mask most of us are familiar with these days is designed to prevent the spread of COVID-19, the Guy Fawkes mask is particularly fitting on this November 5 when the premature results of the American election will be announced. This mask may help prevent the spread of the STUPID-45 virus.

The mask was made famous in recent cinematic history by the anarchist hero of “V for Vendetta” in a stark black and white rendition. William Rookwood could be an allegorical figure representing every protester from Portland to Caledonia to Lagos to Minsk to Hong Kong. Unlike V in his farewell bed of roses on an explosives laden train, the historical Guy Fawkes was captured before he could blow up the Parliament Buildings. He was tried and sentenced to be hung, drawn and quartered. While climbing up the hanging ladder, he jumped off and broke his neck, dying instantly in a final act of protest.

It would be fitting if the results of the US election were announced today and a victory declared against an oppressive, neo-facist President. Most of us are already masked in preparation – just don’t go climbing any ladders. We need all the anti-facist, pro-democracy voices we can find. From the results south of our border, it looks like half the population is unfortunately unmasked and infected. It will take a lot of work to unite these divided States of America.

Don’t worry though, because Joe has no intention of blowing up anything. He and Dr. Jill will just have to really, really thoroughly disinfect and wear masks until all the viruses are cleaned out of The People’s House. And then replant Michelle’s garden!

Until then it looks like at least one more week of  “sunny days” here in Canada, home of the trees, and land of the waves from coast to coast to coast.

The way I see it.

***

Skid Cease, Caledon