Category Archives: Humour

Dog Poop Bags and Swans

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Dear fellow dog owners, and everyone else who walks, hikes, travels respectfully through urban, rural and wild spaces: we have much work to do. There is a segment of the human population that seem to need their decks of cards topped up, or their knives sharpened.

Walking my dog yesterday I came across five dog Poop Bags that somehow did not make it to the conveniently placed park garbage cans. Three were at the can itself – one on the lid and two on the ground nearby. One of the other two was tossed into a neighbour’s hedge, and the last one had simply been dropped on the sidewalk.

A person who is less intelligent than their dog should not be allowed to own one. Surely in this day and age we should know where to put our garbage, our recycling, our compost, and our pet’s poop! Speaking of which, surely in this day and age if we saw a freshwater lake filled with Trumpeter Swans and the sounds of myriad wildlife coming from the surrounding verdant fields, we would celebrate it. Nope. Some humans want to fill that lake with construction waste. Maybe they see a different kind of green.

Yep, the same kinds of humans who don’t know where to properly put their dog shit, would probably not understand the complete and utter stupidity of destroying a restored greenspace. In the next municipal election we have the choice to recycle them, or put them in the garbage. We all get composted one day.

The way I see it

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*Image from Dr. Seuss

I’m a Lumberjack and I’m OK …

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I just spent a week lumberjacking for my cousin on Manitoulin Island. She had several dead and rotting fir trees on her property that needed to come down. I had promised her two years ago that I would help her clear the view to her beloved grove of cedars.

After a seven hour drive from Caledon to Espanola through Little Current to Kagawong, we arrived at her home. Advanced Tree Felling TechniquesFor the next six days I chainsawed, felled, trimmed, piled logs for firewood, and several times took her trailer of branch trimmings to the compost dump. My cousin, all 110 lbs of her, was determined to get the job done. In the end, however, she said I had exhausted her.

I think it was the dance routine that did her in. I couldn’t help myself. That song from Monty Python’s Flying Circus had become an ear worm and, of course we had to act out the whole routine to “I’m a Lumberjack and i’m OK”

I was driven to keep my promise to get all of  those trees and stumps down, but a dull chainsaw slowed me down. I’ll be back in September to finish off those stumps!. Her saws will be sharpened by then. I will keep my promise to clear her dead trees and stumps because I’m a lumberjack, and I’m OK. Monty Python would be proud.

The way I see it.

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*Visual from Getty Images

Random Acts

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In an earlier blog titled “Moments of Peace” I referred to meeting my new friend Bonnie and the beautiful flower gardens that I walk by every day with our dog. One morning Bonnie told me that the gardens were maintained by a man named Tony as a tribute to his late-daughter-in-law.

So, being me, I just had to meet Tony. Two days ago I walked up to the door and introduced myself and thanked him for making the world a more beautiful place. Tony invited me in and introduced me to his wife Lisa. We started chatting and discovered that we were both retired teachers. Not unusual, but then 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon happened!

We had both gone to Toronto Teacher’s College in 1967-68. He signed on with the Toronto Separate Board and I went North York Public. We knew all the same schools! I mentioned that I had specialized in outdoor and environmental education, working with schools to create native species outdoor classrooms In their schoolyards. Tony told me that when he retired he took horticultural classes at Humber College and that led him to his native species pollinator gardens!

Then he mentioned that he was part of a Bruce Trail hiking group. Whoa! My outdoor ed career began on the Bruce Trail in 1972 when I hiked 30 students out the last week of September on a 50 mile 5 day hike on the Bruce Trail. We did that every year from 1972 to 1980.

What comes next? Well, Tony and I will be hiking the Trail together very soon. Stranger things have happened, but this random act showed me that the universe is unfolding as it should. The way I see it.

Think Global, Act Local. Care personally.

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It’s an old adage. We take in news of Ukraine, Gaza, Trumpism and we learn as much as we can about the issues most relevant to us. At home, we focus on reducing conflict between neighbours, caring about human rights for the unhoused in our community, eliminating arrogance and stupidity in our locally elected representatives.

The key in all of this is to care personally. That is the spark that drives people to act and change things for the better, whether it be human rights, global security, or ethical governance.

“Pick your hill on which to die,” is the old rallying cry of the military. It stated that you were willing to die for your family, beliefs, or country. So, what’s your hill? Mine globally is Gaza – a two state solution with equal defense capabilities for both states, and Ukraine – a complete withdrawal of Russian occupying forces from any seized territories, including the post-Olympics Crimea snatch when the world fell asleep.

Locally, it would be the recovery of responsible democracy in the age of Doug Ford’s Strong Mayors. In particular, the saving of Swan Lake, 0 Shaw’s Creek Road, Caledon. The relationship between developer’s interests and money can quickly corrupt local political decisions, like let’s change the by-laws to permit excess soil dumping in the freshwater lake of a fully rehabilitated former gravel pit.

Some things are global catastrophes. Some are local disasters. Let’s start at home and save Swan Lake. The way I see it

A Spy Fly on the Wall

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Location: Alaska, where Americans sitting on their decks can see Russia.

Significance: A meeting between Donald the Doofus and Vladimir the Viper to determine the fate of a nation that was not invited to the meeting.

What the Spy Fly recorded …

Don: Long time no see! Still got those tapes?

Vlad: Hmm.

Don: Well, I would loan you my Golden Jet for a trip anywhere in the world if you would just keep that quiet, I mean, they keep digging Jeffy up from the grave and it’s interfering with my GREATNESS.

Vlad: Hmm.

Don: So. all I really want out of this “peace deal” is all the mineral rights to the rare earth metals in this country. Agreed?

Vlad: Hmm.

DON: And for making me richer than anyone EVER, you get to keep the land you invaded. Agreed?

Vlad: Hmm.

Don: Wow! I am the BEST DEAL MAKER in the HISTORY OF THE WORLD!

Vlad: Hmm.

Don leaves the meeting, carried to his Golden Jet by James Many Names, his faithful acolyte.

Vlad: Hmm. Release the tapes. This man is a идиот!

The way the Fly sees it …